Not meant for us....

We received word that the birth mother did in fact choose the family that had no children yet. While our hearts are heavy we are very happy for the family that was chosen. Right now that family that is crying tears of joy as they find out about the new daughter that will be joining them in January. I am so happy for them as I remember that time when we had no Jadon. I can't imagine life with out him and I am happy that another family will soon have a child to love the way we love him.

I am thankful that I can give all of this to God . . . and let him handle it. I am thankful for my loving supportive, husband and my amazing Jadon. I am thankful for the friends that lend an ear, give support, and just let me talk. Although they are far away, I am thankful for a family I can turn to, a sister (and one of the best mom's I know) whose advice I cherish, and numerous family all over the place that are praying for our future child. I am thankful for a God that is bigger than all of this and that I know I can trust.

That is all for now . . . off to spend time with my 2 favorite men! Thanks for your ongoing prayers . . . . I know they are being heard!

Nerves!

My nerves are a bit on edge . . . we just found out that they are showing our profile to the birthmother in Oklahoma TODAY along with one other. She had very specific desires for an adoptive family (one being tall . . . go Stephen :-) ). We also know that her desire was to have an adoptive family that had no children yet . . . . so even though our hopes are up . . . we are prepared that it may go another way. All in all . . . . God is in control . . . now if only you could tell my nerves that! Anyway . . . hopefully we will have some sort of information later today. Thanks for your continued prayers!

Being real . . .

Does my heart ache in this process? . . . definitely . . .

Do I question God's plan? . . . . never . . . I just look at Jadon's face

Does it mean it isn't hard sometimes? . . . nope . . . many tears have fallen throughout this process

Am I scared that we may never again be "chosen"? . . . absolutely . . . I will never forget the one woman however that did choose us . . . and I am forever greatful!

Am I at peace with the path that God has chosen for us? . . . this one is a hard one for me sometimes but I know ABSOLUTELY that God is in control . . . he knows our future and has great plans . . . even if we do not understand them at times . . . I thank God for loving me . . . and planning my future . . . his plan is divine . . . this I know. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, family, and friends . . . all of whom I cherish!

I am also VERY blessed to have recently become friends with a wonderful person whom at a young age placed her baby girl for adoption. Her daughter is now 13 (I believe). We both come from 2 different places . . . yet we have both felt the same pain in different ways. She went through that moment of difficulty as she chose to give her child life and place her in a home that she would be loved and cherished. I am so thankful that God put her in my life . . . she is absolutely precious to me as she gave someone a gift that very few can give . . . the chance to be a mother.

I love to hear her talk about the daughter she placed for adoption and the relationship she now has with her . . . yes . . . I admit (as weird as it is) I wish we had that relationship with Jadon's birth mother. I know God placed this friend of mine in my life for a reason . . . and if that only reason is to tell her how thankful I am to her for what she did for another family . . . then that is that. I often wish I could sit face to face with Jadon's birth mother and just tell her thank you. I have said it in every letter we have ever sent her . . . but I just wish I could say it to her again in person . . . from one mother to another.

Enough for now . . . just saying what is on my heart . . . there are lots of emotions this week as my sister prepares to deliver her 5th child and my brother prepares for his 4th in a few weeks (both babies will be boys). I so wish I could be in Michigan as my sister goes through this time. Please pray for a safe c-section delivery on Friday of baby boy O. and also for Baby Jackson in a few weeks.

Down to 1 . . .

We found out tonight that the birth mother that is due in November chose another family from a different agency. My heart rejoices for them but feels a tiny sting as this adoption ride is definitely an emotional rollercoaster!!

We are still waiting to hear what the bmom in Oklahoma will choose. For now we pray, we trust God, and we live our lives until we find out who baby Holland will be. Thanks for your prayers and please continue to pray for both situations as they both are going through LOTS of stuff right now.

We will keep you posted!

Soooo the story goes . . . .

So . . . now we have 2 birth mothers reviewing our profile. One in Oklahoma (due January) and one here (due November). Both are having girls. Please pray for peace and guidance for these two women. They have a huge decision on their hands. They are both getting WONDERFUL counseling which is great as it will help them through this process. We have no idea when we will get info on either so for now we just pray for God's will in everyone's lives.

Don't mess with Jadon! More Colorado fun . . .

So . . . we were in Colorado exploring this little town named Ridgeway. They have this really old jail that we decided to check out. Jadon of course thought it was the coolest thing ever!

So he pretended to get behind the bars and lock himself up . . . he is such a little actor!

I just LOVE this kid!

So then . . . a biker dude comes into the room . . . and Jadon has a brilliant idea. He takes the little toy gun (prop) that the owner of the jail let him play with and told the biker to get into jail because "You made a very bad choice". We were cracking up . . . the awesome biker played right along with Jadon and let him lock him up. We do have all of this on video which I shall cherish forever as it was just pure greatness!

Here we are 4-wheeling!

And lastly some beautiful shots of Colorado!

More to come?

Another week goes by . . . and our prayers remain the same for the birthmother that has been reviewing our profile. As of yet she has been unable to come to peace with a decision.

However, today we found out about yet another situation, it is a bit more complicated as it is out of state. This particular situation involves a baby girl that is due in January. I will let you know more as I find that information out . . . . and please keep praying for all birth mothers involved!

Still waiting . . . and trying to do so patiently!

We are still waiting for the birthmother to make her very difficult decision. We do know that she chose to take our profile home yesterday along with 4-5 others. My heart aches for her to find peace in this process . . . I know how hard it is on this end but her end . . . . I can't even imagine!

Anyway . . . we will wait another weekend and hopefully know more next week. God knows the answers to all . . . and we just wait as patiently as possible until that is revealed. Please continue to pray for peace and clarity for the birth family. Thanks!!

Jadon, Aidan, and Connor!

Jadon LOVED these guys! They had so much fun together! The patience, love, and genuine spirit these 13 and 16 year old boys had was amazing! Made me have a different opinion of California kids ;-). Jadon every morning would look to see if his "friends" were awake". He loved EVERY minute with those boys! If I could . . . I would adopt them . . . he he . . . but something tells me, their mother knows how lucky she is!

Playing secret spy games off the log . . .

Jumping off the log on the last night together . . .

They were hysterical!

I love Aidans face in this one! Perfect hair as well!

We might just have to name our next kid (if we have another son) Aidan or Connor . . . he he

Jadon is 5!

I can't believe that Jadon is 5! He has been waiting for this birthday since he turned 4 years old. He has been asking for months . . . when am I 5? Here are some pics of our day filled with adventure and lots of sugar!

We gave him an "early" birthday present . . . when we asked him what he really wanted for his birthday his answer was "I only want light up shoes". Well the kiddo got what he asked for (plus he REALLY needed new shoes!) We thought it would be fun to give them to him at the start of the trip so he could enjoy the shoes in the dark at the campground. When he laid eyes on those shoes . . . he was soooo excited . . . as if you can't tell by the hug he is giving them below! All week long he jumped and danced showing everyone his new shoes.

Birthday morning m&m pancakes!

Jadon chose a trip to the park . . . fortunately there was a cool one near by!

He LOVES the fireman pole!

Then we were off to the ice cream shop (before lunch . . . he he). This was the same shop we took him to on his 3rd birthday as we spent that birthday in Colorado as well.

Jadon and his walking stick . . . he went EVERYWHERE with it. We had to talk him into leaving it outside by the doors of each shop we went into. He was so cute with that thing!

The one thing he wanted from the toy store in Ouray was a little race car. He then searched and searched for a long side walk that he could roll it down. Such a little boy . . .

And a ring pop . . .

And we let him pick out his own Coke . . . he loved pushing the buttons on the machine!

Dinner with our camping neighbors and GREAT kids that Jadon LOVED! Aidan and Connor played with Jadon all week, took him to the campground park, did big boy stuff like climbing rocks, hills, playing video games, and secret spy games. They were awesome to have parked next to us and Jadon adored them. BTW . . . did you notice that he is still carrying the same coke around from earlier in the day? He just carried it around and never even finished it. :-)

Jadon had to hug his cake :-)

He loves candles . . . . and blowing them out . . .

is it wrong that we put trick candles on his cake? He loved them . . . and he did finally get them out!

Pirate ship legos . . . we just finished putting them together tonight. It was really hard for him to wait to open them until we got home.

That pretty much sums up my little man's day. He asked me if he was going to be 5 for awhile to which I answered yes . . . . he was very excited and jumped up and down while saying "YES"! Gotta love the kiddo! More Colorado pics to come!

WINNER!

Ok . . . I LOVE the Adoptive Families magazine and decided to enter a picture of Jadon into their annual photo contest. They contacted me this past week and told me that my photo was chosen as a runner up in their contest. Anyway, it will be in the November issue of Adoptive Families and online so my little Jadon will be a superstar (as if he wasn't already)! Here is the picture that will be published!

Unsure . . .

We only have a little more information . . . the birth family really wants the baby to go to adoptive parents that do not have any children yet. Even though it is hard to swallow . . . it is completely understandable! However . . . they are still looking at all profiles and may want to meet with several families before they make that decision. We do not know if we have been ruled out at this point. Hopefully we will know more toward the end of the week.

I remember being childless and how hard that was . . . the adoption process is very stressful and difficult to go through however this second time around I at least have a beautiful little face that smiles at me and little arms that hug me to help me get through. My heart hurts for all families that are childless when they only desire to have a baby to call their own.

For now I know our little Holland baby is out there (whether it is this one or not) and I will do my best to be patient until God reveals that to us. We only want the child that is meant to be ours . . . not someone else's little blessing. Thank God that he is in control of this situation and not me!

Please continue to keep this birth family in your prayers . . . it sounds as if they are really struggling to make the right decision for them and my heart aches for them. They need peace and clarity in this time. We will keep you posted as we find more out. Thanks for all of your prayers!

COMING SOON . . . . COLORADO PICS (I only have 1600 to go through) AND JADON'S 5TH BIRTHDAY PICS!

Could this be it?

Here we are in Colorado . . . we got a call last week Wednesday while we were driving to Colorado that our profile was once again being looked at. Once again we ask for prayers for this precious birth mother as she chooses the perfect family for her precious child.

What we know:
- Baby girl due November 17
- Looking at 3 profiles
- Hopefully we will know something this week.

Either way, she needs prayers to prepare her for what she will go through for the next two months. For now we are patiently waiting to hear who she will choose. Right now we are enjoying 4-wheeling, camping, and staying away from bears in the mountains and planning Jadon's 5th birthday party at the campground on Thursday. Thanks for all of your love and prayers through this process. We will keep you posted!